Fair-weather friend

As a mother to four small children, being tested happens on a daily basis. Some days, I'm the super chill, cool mom that is enjoying the moment and going with the flow. On others, I'll drop the F-bomb left and right, all in an effort to keep my cool. 

My swearing days are the hardest. For me and my kids. On those days, I'm usually stressed about having to be somewhere on time. Inevitably, something will pop up when we are seconds to the door. It doesn't matter if someone forgot their coat, to brush their teeth, or crapped their pants. If my plans are foiled, I get angry. Same goes for when I'm getting annoyed. With little warning, the laid back me is pushed overboard by a drunken foul-mouthed sailor. And I feel awful about it.

It happened the other night. Lily made a loud and bold statement. Horrified, I said, "Don't say shit like that!" The second it slipped out, I knew I made a bad mistake. Not only were other moms around, but lots of little ears too. To all who heard my blunder, I'm really sorry!!

I know I'm not "mom of the year" material. But you know what? I'm not a shit-tastic mother either. Same goes for my friendships: I know I could be a better friend. Texting is great, but talking on the phone, the way we used to, is what I'd rather do. Yet, I'm no fair-weather friend either. (Just ask the people who have known me for 30+ years or my college girlfriends who are like sisters to me.)

I would be amiss if I didn't mention my husband Adam. I've been the "man, you sure are lucky! Amanda is so freak'n cool" wife, to the "your wife is a raging bitch", and everything else in between. Being married is so much work, but committing to each other to ride it out, through the good, the bad and the ugly was the best f#!$^%g decision we have ever made! 

Facebook tells me I have 490 Friends. In real life: not so much. But that's Okay. I wouldn't have made those connections if I wasn't willing to share news and photos with them.

Recently, I shared a super cool picture. I got well over 100 "likes" on that photo. But when I saw several of my friends (Friends = Facebook friends; friends = people I call a friend), few asked me about it. One in particular waited to offer her congratulations in private. I got the feeling she didn't want the other friend to know she was talking to me about it.

This got me thinking. About a lot. Why do people virtually support each other on Facebook, but when it comes to real life, they clam up? Has the Facebook "Like" button replaced the high fives, hugs, and swapping stories that surely would have happened in a pre-Facebook world?

Did people not want to talk to me because they heard me say shit to Lily? Or maybe it was for something else I said or did months ago? Were they doubting me from the start? Are they jealous that I actually did what I said I was going to do, and did well? Or did posting that picture just give them another little nugget to gossip about, hence some of the whispers in recent days.

Who knows. I'm trying not to stress over it. What I am going to do is take my own advice: the next time I actually see a Friend (friend) who posted important news, I will do my best to give them the same enthusiasm and praise in person as I would in the comment line.

I wonder what would happen if we all tried that. Maybe that Friend would actually turn into a friend. Or you may realize that friend really wasn't a friend after all. Just a fair-weather friend. 

If anyone thinks I'm a fair-weather friend to them, I apologize. I wish there was more time in the day for me to call all my friends and family once a week, rather than texting every once in a while. I wish I had more free time to go out and buy a birthday card instead of texting or sending birthday wishes via Facebook. I wish I could visit more often when a friend has a new baby, moved to a new city, or is going through a crappy time. Even though my actions don't always show it, I can promise you my heart is in the right place.

This post isn't intended to offend or throw anyone under the bus. I guess I'm a little saddened by how little people need to interact and speak with each other, especially since social media makes it nice and simple for us. With a simple click, we can Like what ever we want. But what does that really mean?

I guess I'm finding myself in deep aporia over Facebook. Silly? Yes. Necessary? No. Will I still be on Facebook? Yes. May I get "unfriended" because of this post? Possibly.

Such is life.

Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind

Psalm 26:2

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it

Proverbs 4:23