Today, my grandfather would have turned 86. Sadly, he was called to heaven on Friday, May 24, 2013, less than two weeks shy of his birthday.
Prior to his recent health decline, my dad invited me to join him on a trip out east from May 18 to 21. Having four children and several kid-oriented events, I opted not to go. My sister Jessica was on a break from school and she was able to fly out.
A few days before their flight out to Philly, Dad got a call from his sister Chris. She told him to pray that he goes tonight. It's not looking good at all, she said. However, the next morning, Grandpa was sitting up in his bed, reading the paper. Clearly, stubbornness is a Touhey trait!
The night before Dad and Jessica left, Chris told Dad to bring a suit and Jessica to bring a dress. Grandpa had not eaten for 10 days. Surely, she said, he was waiting until his only son came to say goodbye.
I was in agony if I should fly out to say my goodbyes. Of course, my family in Delaware would welcome me but I had to be realistic about my responsibilities at home. After speaking with many family members, I decided to wait until he passed. I asked Chris to say my goodbyes on my behalf.
The days passed. Nothing happened. Dad and Jessica flew back to Minnesota. Grandma repeatedly asked Grandpa if he saw the angels. He responded with a firm "NO!" "Are you sure," she'd say? "Yes! I'm sure!"
Grandpa hung on for almost three weeks without food and then another three days with no water. How anyone could do that is beyond me. But, I guess that is not for me to understand. That was his path, chosen by God.
When I received the news of his passing, I was so upset. I regretted not going out east to say my goodbyes. I felt terrible that I was the only grandchild that wasn't there. I felt like I let him down.
The visitation brought me much peace. I had a chance to tell Grandpa all about my kids: what the girls were up to now and how Charlie, even though they never met, looked just like him. I also asked for a little help from above. Even though my kids are cute, they are naughty as all get out, and divine intervention would certainly be needed at sometime!
The funeral was bittersweet. We teased Grandma that the casket she picked for Grandpa was the same color as the Buick (platinum mist). Ironically, she pre-purchased the same one for herself. Of course, we offered to Bedazzle hers, if she wished, when it was her time. [Grandma acquired quite the jewel collection over the years and is known for her flashy diamonds, gobs of gold and fabulous gems.] Just for the record, Jessica and I still play dress up when we go to Grandmas. Trying on massive rings, bracelets and watches is something a girl never grows out of!!
My three dear cousins Carly, Alison and Laura (my only first cousins on the Touhey side), along with Jessica and myself were the pallbearers. I believe I can speak for all of us when I say it was an honor to escort Grandpa into his final service.
After much soul searching, I know my grandpa is here with me. I've felt his presence and I know that he is at peace now. I was one of the lucky ones. Actually, all of us were - me, Jessica, Carly, Alison and Laura - we all had four grandparents in our lives until recently. I only know one or two friends that could say that. And even with greater sadness, my friend's parents are starting to pass on.
I found this on a website when I was trying to find comfort when my grandfather was dying. My wish is that this may bring you some clarity and peace as it did me.
It’s interesting that we have different words for birth and death, yet they’re two different words for the same thing. Think about it for a second. Suppose someone could have visited you the day before you were born. And they told you about the amazing world you were already part of, just hadn't yet experienced. Sunsets. Sunrises. That wonderful smell of coffee in the morning. The wonderful touch of a breeze on your skin, or the touch of someone you love. Light. Cold. Warmth. Love. It would have sounded like some fairy tale, no? Because at that moment in your experience, all you knew was darkness. You floated around in a little puddle of fluid. All those other things would have seemed like some fantasy. And if you were told that the reason you hadn't yet experienced any of those amazing things was because you were literally growing inside your parent, you would have said: What are you smoking? It would have seem so surreal as to be silly. Yet, it was true. And one day later, you were born into a more complete experience of the world, a world which had been there all along for those nine months; you just hadn't been able to experience it fully. The doctor cut the cord, and your parent reached out and pulled you close and with a tear-stained cheek kissed you and told you how much she’s waited a lifetime for this very moment.
Well, the analogy is: We’re still in our little three-dimensional womb. There is something much more amazing out there. We can’t comprehend it, but that’s OK. We have been in that situation before. We just have to trust. And when our time in this womb is complete, we cut the cord with this world, so to speak, and waiting there for us is God, with outstretched arms and tear-stained cheek, waiting to pull us close and hug us and tell us how much God has waited an eternity for this very moment.
source: http://blog.americancatholic.org/2013/05/in-dying-we-are-born-to-eternal-life/
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This was my grandfather's funeral card. Sharing our Irish heritage has always
been a prominent staple in our lives.
I have this same blessing in my kitchen, as do many of my relatives.
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